Today wasn’t actually a bad day, per se… I mean, I went to my classes, I looked up a bunch of information for the Microsft Imagine Cup, registered to enter a few of the competitions, downloaded the algorithm software and had hours of mind-bending fun trying to come up with terse algorithms. Given that there are people that have been working on this for months, I’m at something of a disadvantage, but I’ll persevere. The algorithms I’ve made so far are well under the requirements, but there are quite a few hard problems in there.

My computer froze up on me earlier… well, when I say earlier I meant earlier. It’s 3.30am as I write this (still can’t get to sleep). For some reason the server at my Dad’s house (which has all of my business information) decided to not connect to me any more… so very, very not cool. Especially when I need to bill people cos I just had to shell out another ~NZ$840 for March’s rent. My wallet is crying forlornly in the corner, wondering why I’m so abusive.

But this is nothing new, on all counts. I’m a student, I have no money (perhaps less than I could have if I was sane about what I did with my life), my sleep is shot and my time is spent buried in something totally computer geeky.

All of that aside, I just feel like crap. No rhyme, no reason, just feel crap and alone and sick and tired of feeling like I’m biting off more than I can chew with this whole study-in-the-US thing. I know I’ll get over it, I’ll move on and do my best and get through it. Hell, I’ll probably do reasonably well when I look back on the year. Just feels crap now, and I thought I’d share the misery with my keyboard. Maybe I should rename this Depression 101. Far out… someone needs to give my life a kick up the pants into something resembling normality of emotions.

I was going to work today. I was going to work a lot. Mostly because I’m behind schedule on some things (big surprise there, I’m sure) and also cos I need money. My financial paperwork is a mess right now, I haven’t heard from my brother again and he’s frustrated over the paperwork as well. All in all, my business is in shambles and there’s bugger all I can do about it. Ah well, I’ll put it together.

I’ve got a kind of fatalistic opinion that everything I do will turn out alright in the end, huh? I have no idea where that comes from. I don’t have empirical evidence that everything in my life will work out, quite the contrary. Well, I’m sure that’ll bug me some other time, right now I just don’t care.

Ok, time to try and sleep again. I’m going to head to bed (I think I’ll take Angelina with me to watch movies if I can’t sleep) and give it another go. Because I’m interested in how many people actually bother to read through my ramblings (certainly ones as depressing and boring as this), I pose a question and would really like people to post comments. Since I wrote a (short) story the other day, would you like me to post it up online, or in my blog, or something? Let me know.