Well, with my last week in New Zealand before I head back to Florida, I did mostly more of the same I’ve been doing the whole time I’ve been here – seeing people and talking to them. I saw Ocean’s 13 with Mum, spent more time watching anime with Daniel, I dug up stumps at Mum’s place with Dace, had a lunch with Ian (graphics guru and musician), grabbed a coffee with another Ian (anime buddy from Uni), had dinner with Dace and Newby, hung out with Rach and Cam, had coffee with Grandma and Grandad out at Russley… all in all, a busy week. Not to mention getting my tickets and insurance sorted out, then packing up all my shit (again).

Being in New Zealand has been an odd experience for me. While I’ve had some startling moments of clarity about how much certain relationships mean to me and the lengths I would be willing to go to in order to keep them going, at the same time I have felt disconnected, transient, at times unwanted and altogether like I was in the wrong place. While Christchurch is where I was born, where I grew up and will probably always be the place that I know the best, I don’t really have my own space there. I could create one, this is true. But even if I did, that would not change the feeling that I have about needing to be somewhere else. I miss Anastasia a lot, having been able to live with her and see her the majority of the time – the last time I went to Seattle from Florida, it was “See you later” and a feeling of coming back, rather than a feeling of urgency, like I was living on borrowed time. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Florida. I’m sure at various points in the future, New Zealand (and Christchurch) will be the place that I need to be. Not for the first time, I find myself wishing that I could pack up all of those people in New Zealand (and Seattle) that I love so dearly and take them with me. I certainly know that some day I will get to do some traveling with some of them, and I’ll get my wish.

But I’ll never be able to do that with everyone I care about, and I don’t know how to deal with that quite yet. Things were much simpler when everyone was in one place. Sure they’d go away for a little while every now and again, but they came back. No longer. The people I care about are all over the world, and I have to find a way to spend time with all of them that isn’t going to make me explode. For those of you that don’t see me as often as you’d like, know that I miss you too and that I wish you were with me. For everyone, I hope you understand that it’s hard having people you care about deeply all over the world and that feeling like “home” has been split into several pieces is very disconcerting. That all being said, my thoughts are never far from the ones I love and I know that the rest of me will get to catch up to my thoughts at some point.

On that note, tomorrow I fly away to where my heart awaits me.